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About Deviant Member Brianna LeeUnited States Groups :iconmakes-her-a-home: Makes-Her-A-Home
 
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JuvenyleChylde
Brianna Lee
United States
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Life is... crazy.  Good and bad.  I don't really know why I'm doing one of these.  Therapeutic, I suppose, and I was told I should, and I don't keep an lj, or anything else, so here goes. haha

Family/money, money/family.  The big struggles. Can't decide which is crazier, right now, but it's not all hectic.  Issues abound, and I feel like I'm drowning, with the family stuff, but child is healthy and brilliant, and that's a blessing.  Crafty, though, which is vexing.  Good with the bad.  Still no heat, but we're working on it.   My mom won't tell me when she runs out of meds, because I have to buy them, so now I'll have to take inventory of her pills.  That's a bit maddening.   And between my brother and my sister, and I don't really know what's going to happen next.  Here's hoping smooth sailing will happen, someday. <_____>


Health is... frustrating.  Chemo ward was less depressing than I thought it would be.  Everyone was really nice.  I got the blood thing mostly fixed.  As much as they could.  No one knows why I'm not getting better.   I have good days,  but I spend a week paying for them.  No one sees that, and I don't really talk about that. Or what's going on.  I didn't think I could.  Sometimes, I still can't.  Not all words are as easy to just say as others.   I don't know.  I keep thinking I'll wake up.  I keep saying I'm too young for this.  For any of it.   I try to stay positive, but I find I only ever get half way to saying it.   The concept of time and limit, it comes up a lot in my head.  I feel it in my chest.  It's heavy.  I don't like being scared, and I don't really know how to handle it, or admit it, or talk about it.  I don't know how to deal with people.  Or pain.   I don't know.  It's frightening, and constant, and I want to be stronger than it, but I'm running out of brave face.  

I miss connections, but sometimes, I think it's a one way thing, so I let it be.  It was a gradual period of discovery, for one source.  I think I knew it for a while, but one day, it became clear.  It was a hard thing to process.  Things get twisted, and reason gets twisted, everything just contorts into something unrecognizable.   Sometimes, I hardly recognize people.  

I missed everyone on here and on the thingies.  I couldn't get onto facespace or proboards, because I had no computer (and pb hates linux phones). Now, I have one, but I can't get on, because it crashes the whole machine.   Everything crashes it.  There are a small handful of sites that don't, and I don't know why that is.  Even my email crashes it.  It's really frustrating.  Massively insufficient ram.  But some bigger ram is coming in the mail, so in a week or two, when it comes, and gets put in for me, I'll be able to get back on.  I'm really looking forward to it, because I really miss everyone, and I feel just terrible for being unable to get on.  I should also be able to make pictures again (which also currently crashes the computer).  I'm excited, because with everything else going on, I need some happiness pie.  :)


I love you, Listener.  Thank you.
  • Mood: Torment
  • Listening to: my heart
  • Drinking: no, but I should be.

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:iconsirenabonita:
sirenabonita Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
:wave:
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:iconjepegraphics:
jepegraphics Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch! Very much appreciated! :)
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:iconodilicious:
Odilicious Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch!:)
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:iconsingapurastudio:
SingapuraStudio Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! :)
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:iconchrislor:
Chrislor Featured By Owner May 10, 2012
Thanks for the fav!
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:iconjuvenylechylde:
JuvenyleChylde Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
My pleasure! Love your work!
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:iconstixanimated:
Stixanimated Featured By Owner May 10, 2012   Filmographer
Welcome to Fillion-Fans! If you create any Nathan related art don't be shy to submit!
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:iconkath-13:
Kath-13 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconthxfavwatchplz:
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:iconjuvenylechylde:
JuvenyleChylde Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
My pleasure! You're amazing!
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:iconcei-ellem:
Cei-Ellem Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch ^_^
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