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About Deviant Member Brianna LeeUnited States Groups :iconmakes-her-a-home: Makes-Her-A-Home
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Brianna Lee
United States
Life is... crazy.  Good and bad.  I don't really know why I'm doing one of these.  Therapeutic, I suppose, and I was told I should, and I don't keep an lj, or anything else, so here goes. haha

Family/money, money/family.  The big struggles. Can't decide which is crazier, right now, but it's not all hectic.  Issues abound, and I feel like I'm drowning, with the family stuff, but child is healthy and brilliant, and that's a blessing.  Crafty, though, which is vexing.  Good with the bad.  Still no heat, but we're working on it.   My mom won't tell me when she runs out of meds, because I have to buy them, so now I'll have to take inventory of her pills.  That's a bit maddening.   And between my brother and my sister, and I don't really know what's going to happen next.  Here's hoping smooth sailing will happen, someday. <_____>

Health is... frustrating.  Chemo ward was less depressing than I thought it would be.  Everyone was really nice.  I got the blood thing mostly fixed.  As much as they could.  No one knows why I'm not getting better.   I have good days,  but I spend a week paying for them.  No one sees that, and I don't really talk about that. Or what's going on.  I didn't think I could.  Sometimes, I still can't.  Not all words are as easy to just say as others.   I don't know.  I keep thinking I'll wake up.  I keep saying I'm too young for this.  For any of it.   I try to stay positive, but I find I only ever get half way to saying it.   The concept of time and limit, it comes up a lot in my head.  I feel it in my chest.  It's heavy.  I don't like being scared, and I don't really know how to handle it, or admit it, or talk about it.  I don't know how to deal with people.  Or pain.   I don't know.  It's frightening, and constant, and I want to be stronger than it, but I'm running out of brave face.  

I miss connections, but sometimes, I think it's a one way thing, so I let it be.  It was a gradual period of discovery, for one source.  I think I knew it for a while, but one day, it became clear.  It was a hard thing to process.  Things get twisted, and reason gets twisted, everything just contorts into something unrecognizable.   Sometimes, I hardly recognize people.  

I missed everyone on here and on the thingies.  I couldn't get onto facespace or proboards, because I had no computer (and pb hates linux phones). Now, I have one, but I can't get on, because it crashes the whole machine.   Everything crashes it.  There are a small handful of sites that don't, and I don't know why that is.  Even my email crashes it.  It's really frustrating.  Massively insufficient ram.  But some bigger ram is coming in the mail, so in a week or two, when it comes, and gets put in for me, I'll be able to get back on.  I'm really looking forward to it, because I really miss everyone, and I feel just terrible for being unable to get on.  I should also be able to make pictures again (which also currently crashes the computer).  I'm excited, because with everything else going on, I need some happiness pie.  :)

I love you, Listener.  Thank you.
  • Mood: Torment
  • Listening to: my heart
  • Drinking: no, but I should be.

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sirenabonita Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
jepegraphics Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014   Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch! Very much appreciated! :)
Odilicious Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch!:)
SingapuraStudio Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! :)
Chrislor Featured By Owner May 10, 2012
Thanks for the fav!
JuvenyleChylde Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
My pleasure! Love your work!
Stixanimated Featured By Owner May 10, 2012   Filmographer
Welcome to Fillion-Fans! If you create any Nathan related art don't be shy to submit!
Kath-13 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
JuvenyleChylde Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
My pleasure! You're amazing!
Cei-Ellem Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the watch ^_^
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